Fight Night

With Dillashaw/Cruz on UFC Fight Night just around the corner, I have some catching up to do.

Before any main event where two fighters who I've never heard of (most) are about to engage, I search UFC.tv to watch a few bouts. When it's game time I can fanboy like I've followed them since high school wrestling. Also important are the co-main events and sometimes the other schmucks that can be entertaining as well. I guess.

Looking at a fight card is usually an exercise in futility because, well, I don't know who the fuck they are. Occasionally though I strike gold.

Who dey?

Tony Ferguson is a beast and Dhiego Lima can be great with the right training. Rousey is the obvious appeal against Zingano, headlining the event. However that Pennington/Holm matchup is an intriguing one even though I've never seen them fight. But why?

The Preacher's Daughter and Dat Ass

Oh wait. That's why. 

That's UFC Bantamweight Champion Holly Holm, dickface. But that's before the title shot and the swift kick to the dome that broke Vegas. Nobody knew who she was. I didn't care about belts or any of that shit. I just saw her prancing around in those pink boy shorts with that jiggly athletic freckled pasty white ass and quickly found out. I lit candle, turned off light, grabbed Johnson's baby oil for my Johnson then I went to work for three rounds. Just. Like. She did.

I think Joe Rogan knows why too.

Dillashaw/Cruz has zero women on the card. I'll keep my pants on for that one. However that doesn't mean I won't (read: doing right now) search Holly Holm fights and wax my wood to a few of them before this evening's bout.

Why I Jerk to This Shit

1. They're Athletes: Go to Google images and type "women's volleyball". Prepare lube. They're hot. Go the the gym and try not to stare and the hoe on the stairmaster. You'll lose. You cannot. Working out takes a good body and makes it better, eliminates the useless, unappealing bits and accentuates the good bits. In the case of Holly Holm, the jiggly bits. 

I often play co-ed sports. In the winter I wear long johns and sleeves. In the summer I wear long johns. No sleeves. I'm not even cold. Just gotta hide that erection. Come to a game. If I ever drop a pass in flag football, take a look at the other team's women. I probably am too hence why I dropped that shit. Athletic women hands down are the bees knees. And tits. And ass.

2. It's Not Sexual: Subtlety has its place in sexual arousal. Part of it is creativity. Prepackaged sexuality has no room for your filth to go off on its own and explore regions you didn't even know you had. It takes away your necessity to fantasize. Few things get my dick to stand in attention more than a hot bitch just showing up and being quietly hot. At work the other day some hoe gave me a hug and I swear I became Superman for like ten seconds and took that created image to the spank bank as vivid as if I just saw her in Playboy. Bitch had like a burka on or something. Just long legs and...

These women aren't trying to be sexy. They're just fighting. In MMA when a girl grapples another girl against the fence and her muscles tense to push her opponent away, she can't stop to think, "I wonder how my butt looks in these shorts," or she'll get punched in the face, but I can. Grapple on, shorty. That ass looks tight. Literally. 

3. Aggression: Two women locked in a cage, fighting. Good lord. I love it when little white girls call me nigger. If that's not aggressive I don't know what is. Two goal oriented women meeting each other to physically settle a score with excellent cardio and strength? Noms. Don't believe me? Ask the athletes. Sculpt two bodies, give them a mission to destroy one another and place them in scanties while focusing all of your camera power on them and, whew, I'll have a damn good time stroking to those hoes in the ring.

...And out of it.